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Blogging about college football by an Oklahoma Sooners fan.

Guest Column: Hair We Go Again


by MoMo

(Editors Note: MoMo, a well-known West Texas fashionisto, is Homerism's style writer. His interests include Saks Fifth Avenue, alternative energy, purple hooters and the epic poetry of the ancient Greeks.)

Great hair is something that often goes overlooked in college football today. The helmets cover up the luscious locks, the television commentators take no notice and long hair is not always “in style.” Every year there are a handful of hair do’s and don't's that go against the part and leave us speechless while watching the game. This commentary is to pay homage to the great hairdos of the 2008 college football season and call out the poseurs who make us want to say, “Shave it.”

What gives me the right to be the supreme judge of good hair? For starters, I have incredible hair, and only those with incredible hair can decipher the good from the bad and the ugly. The hair doesn’t always make you a great player, but the hair will always get you the chicks. Or a modeling contract.
Hair Do: Matt Clapp

Just as some people are simply better than others, some hairdos are just superior--that's life. Here's one. Oklahoma fullback Matt Clapp has the greatest hair I have ever seen. He can shake and bake his locks with the best of them. Clapp has an advantage over other athletes with great hair in that he is from Scottsdale, Ariz., so he also has a killer tan. This trifecta is virtually unstoppable.
When Clapp is on the field, you can be forgiven for mistaking him for Zeus, a male model or legendary country singer Billy Ray Cyrus. His hair flows like a river running wild as he effortlessly gallops down the sideline. Clapp's locks came out of nowhere. Just yesterday he was a redshirt freshman who clearly did not know the meaning of wash, rinse, repeat. Now, with his hair at an all-time high, he sets the standard for beauty in college football.

Hair Do: Brian Cushing

Our next great hairdo comes from USC linebacker Brian Cushing. Cushing is a true virtuoso of great hair. His ninja-like ponytail makes him dangerous, but the waive undercut screams "party machine."

Cushing, like Clapp, has not always been a beacon of great hair. In high school he was your typical clean-cut, well-mannered kid from the New Jersey 'burbs. His move from the safe havens of the Jersey Shore to wild and crazy Southern California clearly opened his eyes to endless possibilities.
Cushing did not transform overnight, though. His hair knew that it had great potential, but even Cushing didn’t know how to hair-ness its greatness. His need to party gave his hair the confidence it needed to become one of the most dominant forces in college football. Now that his hair is perfect, nothing stands in his way.
(Looks like Cushing is about to get his back blown out here. Hope he doesn't get any foam in his golden locks.)
Hair Don't: Jimmy Clausen
Our last hairdo epitomizes what it means to be a loser who thinks he have great hair. Jimmy Clausen has no business even having hair at all. This hair is terrible no matter how you style it. In high school Clausen was going for the porcupine look. Now a sophomore Quarterback at Notre Dame, Clausen is still having a hard time figuring out what is best for his hair.
Clausen is no different than many of you poseurs out there who try to be something that you aren't. Clausen could benefit from an appointment with my great friend Jonathon. You know, Jonathan Antin. A little advice to everyone out there reading this: The person doesn’t pick the hair, the hair picks the person. Not everyone can be blessed with great locks. Please don’t pick up a Paul Mitchell catalogue and try to imitate a do you can never possibly emulate. You will just embarrass yourself, and it will compromise your stylist.
Until next time, keep it combed.

XOXO,
-MoMo